Me or my baby would have died...

I was having a discussion with a fellow student of herbs. He has been a student for many years and has traveled the world in his pursuits of knowing more . He believes in the natural process of healing and very rarely uses medical practitioners of any kind. He is all natural until it comes to birth.  When I mentioned something about homebirth to him he immediately said that wouldn't have worked for his wife because she or the baby would have died. My next question to him was, what makes you think that? He went on to tell me a familiar story of a labor that didn't fit the time limit, an augmentation with Pitocin, an epidural because of the pain, a drop in the baby's heartbeat and an emergency c-section. Now I don't know for sure that this was an unnecessary but it sure fits the common domino effect that happens to many women. The progression of interference causes an emergency.

What troubles me is how often birth  doesn't fit into the mold of natural processes that don't need medical help in the eyes of people that in ever other way trust the natural ways. This was someone who would not look at any other bodily function in this way.  The powerful word "death" makes people forget who they are and what they believe. It is an end all to discussions about birth and everything else besides trauma in birth. I had 4 healthy babies at home and I have very rarely shared my birth story because when I say homebirth I get interrupted with, "if I would have done that I or my baby would have died."

Now it is true, like in all of life, people do die, babies do die. There can be trouble in birth where medical intervention is needed and welcomed. It is also true that this is not the case most of the time. It is true that there are car crashes every day as people are driving about doing their normal activities and some people and babies die. This is not the case most of the time. We are scared into believing that it is more normal for terrible problems to arise than everything to turn out well when it concerns birth of a baby.

We  can be talked into almost anything whether rational or not if someone pulls the death card which happens all too often. In some way, it is the same as saying , if you don't do it my way you'll die. This sounds very threatening to anyone, even more to a mama whose body is busy about the task of labor or to a father that is being overwhelmed by seeing the power of birth in his wife's body.

It's time to understand birth as the process that brings a baby into this world. A powerful process that rocks everyone to their core. A process that is intricate and perfect that rarely needs help. Often, if help is needed it is only a little help and rarely a full blown surgical intervention.

.....Waiting on a baby........

One of the things that our culture here in the United States does not do well is wait. We are a culture of fast everything. The faster the better whether the fast compromises to integrity of what we want or not. We are busy people who have many things to do and few things if any, should interrupt our schedules.

So when it comes to waiting on a baby and the baby's time to be born it is an exercise in endurance for most. It is even more difficult because the people surrounding us not only often are not supportive but are downright fearful that we are harming ourselves and our babies if we wait on them to come in their own time. Why don't we just go and have an induction since that is what most women do it must be the safest thing to do. Induction of Labour.

Days of pre-labor contraction with our Estimated Due Date getting further behind every day can un-nerve many a first-time homebirth mother.

The period of time that we wait changes us if we accept it as a part of the labor and birth process. If we learn to wait now then it changes the way we view parenting. We can learning right at the start that things are no longer on our terms. If we take this lesson and continue to let it grow we can begin to shed the business out of our lives and embrace the process. If we embrace the process we can let our children grow as they have birthed. In their own time and in there own way.

Let every pre-labor contraction remind you that you are holding your baby inside your body for a precious little time that won't ever come to pass again. Cry when you are frustrated with the waiting. These tears will not be the last that you shed over this child throughout his/her life. Wait.

Is it just an experience?

I have heard this said many time by doctors who do not understand what truly motivates mothers. "Women are putting the desire for an experience above the health of their babies." Of course this has been said in regards to homebirth and other alternative birthing situations. The thought behind this is that mothers are so selfish that they do not care as much as the doctor about the welfare of their own babies. Mother's are expected to feel as if medically trained strangers care more about their unborn and newly born child than they themselves do.

The mother's that I know including myself made the decision to have homebirths because we believe it to be the safest place to have our babies. For ourselves and our babies.

We know that a holistic approach to health is important. We do not believe that you can separate physical, mental, emotional and spiritual into compartments and think that one outweighs the other. We believe that these are equally important. To say that you have a body at any cost makes no sense to us because we have seen devastation to mothers and their babies when the other health issues are ignored.

We know that drugs introduced into our bodies pass to our yet unborn babies bodies and effect them and that without a real emergency situation this should not be done because our babies may be harmed by them both short and long term. Some of the "normally used drugs" are having permanent effects on our children in the name of convenience and speed.

We know that each of us runs on a different time clock.

We know that bonding produces a lifetime of being able to bond and love others. A baby that grows up into an adult that can care for others is vital to our culture as a whole.

We know that our spiritual lives are vital  to the health of our families and though science and medicine may not be able to explain them they are as real as life and breath.

We know that without the right hormones that a mother's  brain chemistry will not work correctly and depression may set in causing damage to families.

We know that hospitals in general intimidate family and friends and they are not able to take their needed and natural roles in birth.

We know that if a hospital or medical personel causes us to panic or feel uncomfortable we will not be able to relax and let our bodies, that know how to birth, do what they were made to do. This will cause problems that lead to interventions that lead to less than healthy holistic outcomes.

We love our babies and we will do anything to make sure that they are brought into this world in a manner that is full of dignity for us as mothers and for our babies as whole mini people. We will guard this right passionately. We will let other mothers know when they have been lied to or stolen from.

We know that for us giving control of our person over to someone else is not safe and to fight with someone while in labor over that control is crazy. We know that we are vunerable at this time and so are our loved ones.

We know that though there are caring professionals they have lives and plans going on and we respect and know that they cannot possibly be as vested in the birth of our babies as we are. We hope that when we need them that they will be there and not punish us for not letting them be gods to us.

We know that many things that have been said to be unsafe and high risk are not because we have seen them peacefully happen in front of our eyes.

We do not believe that it is healthy to live in a state of "what if" and "yea but."

We know that it is the right of each woman to choose her own safe place and that we will guard this right for each woman.

We will let mothers know if someone has said that something is safe and we find that they are not telling the truth. We will keep looking for safer ways holistically for women to have their babies so that the experience brings life in every sense of the word into the world.

Though I am only speaking for some I hope that my voice and the voice of others in unison will bring freedom to birth without fear or interference to many women.

To those that have said that those of us who choose not to do it your way "we care more about an experience that the health of our babies". I say "SHUTUP"

Shameless plug for homebirth

 My disclaimer is that I wish to cause no woman pain. I am representing a birth side that has been repressed and still is. I am standing up for and speaking about what I know. This does not mean that I down anyone else or their way of thinking. But stand I will in the middle of the room.

When you get a new car do the people you know say "aren't you afraid that you'll die if you drive that?" or "don't you think that is a little risky taking that on the freeway you might cause your family harm" or perhaps "that just isn't safe, you are only thinking of your own selfishness to get somewhere faster than walking?". No I don't suppose that they have. We prepare ourselves or others help prepare us for driving and then we drive. It is a very dangerous thing to do. We weren't even made to do so. When was the last time you saw a person born with wheels?

Oh yea born. That is what I am really talking about here. We were made , women that is, to give birth. Check out the anatomy it is all there and contrary to medical belief the body of woman is what grows and births a baby.

"Aren't you afraid that you or the baby will die? "Well no actually there is more chance that I will die driving my car than having this baby.

"Don't you think your taking risks?" Ah, no again, last time I looked all the right equipment was there it worked to get pregnant, it'll work to give birth.

" Don't you think you are being selfish having that baby at home?" Mmmm resounding no. I think I am being very reasonable. It won't set us back for years paying off a hospital for doing to me what I don't want done because I am not sure and they can't tell me what will be the long term effects for my baby. And the bacteria and germs who wants to have a baby near all those sick people and in contact with the superbugs that live in hospitals?

I already did have those babies at home 4 of them. I heard all the questions and endured the years of horror stories from mothers who chose the other way. I kept silent and smiled while they told me that I just didn't know and didn't understand. Oh I understood and I smiled.

I am no longer silent on the matter.

I cry with the women that give me story after story of how there births were taken away and the outcomes questionable. I am mad that the woman that couldn't walk was told she pushed to hard and not that the epidural was done incorrectly. I weep with my friend that asked not to be too drugged that cannot remember the birth because she was doped up. I growl at the doctor that told the woman that she had to have the c-section because she had failed to progress and at her homebirth she tool a break at that point as well and then went on to have the baby. I cannot believe that the doctors tell women when they cut them, poke them, pull on the heads of their babies, scream PUSH at them, shove there feet in stirrups, drape their body as if would contaminate their own babies and then tell them they had to or they or their baby would have dies. Who the heck can argue with that??? Who do they think they are GOD or something???

I am so mad and have been pent up for years about it.

I am putting my mad into action. I sit down with young women and we dispel those fears. We walk through birth and pain and joy together. I stay with them and believe with them. I let them be in charge.

I will talk till I am blue and let women know there are other ways. I found a way. It worked. I am happy. My babies were happy and healthy now they are having there own in the same way and their babies are happy and healthy.

Now I know that things can go wrong like a car wreck that breaks your neck and you live for 20+ years not walking. I know that babies die in and out of the hospital. I know that people have heart attacks and young ages and die. I know that the wrong antibiotic after a successful operation can kill you. This is but a small part of my experience of life, death and suffering after all I have lived almost half a century. I am not naive nor flippant.

"What if something happens?" We darn well hope something will happen. We want that baby. It will take something to get him/her here.

Don't be afraid to live and birth. Don't be robbed. Don't listen to horror stories. Hear the truth. You were made to do this. You have the equipment. You can do this. This is natural not medical. Educate yourself and be brave... live and as in Spanish they say "Dar a luz" Give a light. Do it at home with those you love. Shine.

Family Healings in Birth at Home

I am privileged to have seen babies born into quiet safe places in their homes that are safe for both babies and their families. I have witnessed healing in moms, dads, and extended families.

At home people don't feel like they have to have permission to act. One mom was very sad that in her previous hospital birth her family had been on the other side of the room from her. She felt alone and didn't know how to reach out to them in her need. During her homebirth these same family members were right at her side getting her what she needed helping her to overcome a previous traumatic experience as she birthed her baby.

One young lady didn't know how interested her father was in birth and her baby until when the baby was born, in the home with him there, he was the first to hold his grandbaby and to sit with his daughter. She had a special moment alone with her dad in the space he felt safe in and she was amazed.

Another waited for 14 hours until her mother who she had a troubled relationship with until her mom made the long drive to arrive at birth. The mother of the woman's idea of birth was completely changed by the experience and new respect grew.

I have read that mother's are "selfish" because they want a "good experience" . There is more to women that is understood by many. Moms are the barometer of the home. When they are saying that birth needs be gentler and things need to be safe and at home they are saying much more than just that they want to be comfortable. They are saying that they want their husbands to feel safe to be who they are with them. They are saying that they want their extended families to feel safe to be themselves and be able do what they need to. When these things happen everyone is affected. Relationships are reordered. Ones that have not had trust may have an opening for trust to begin. With all that free-flowing oxytocin in the room people fall in love again. In-laws see value in each other.

Nothing is picture perfect in birth or in living life and there are no guarantees but time after time I have seen birth be one of those doors that opens in a person's life that allows changes to happen. These  doors are not open all that often and to not take the opportunity to let that change happen to moms , dads and the families that love them is sad.

Where is a woman and her family safest to be who they are and act the way they know they need to? This is question that affects the entire family long term. The healthy family grows healthy children.

Why I do what I do... history

When I started homebirthing 25 years ago there were few people around who knew what a midwife. I lived in a state that midwives were illegal. I had the book Spiritual Midwifery by Ina Mae Gaskin and another book that was a beautiful book full of pictures that somewhere in my travels I have lost. Those two books gave me strength to see what I had know already  knew inside, that there was another way to give birth. It did not have to be controlled by someone else.

A year early I had a hospital experience where my  twin sons were born too early and died at 28 weeks. I had not been listened to when I called the doctor and told him I thought something was wrong. I was 8 cm when I arrived at the hospital, they drugged me, gave me a huge gash and left me with nothing. I didn't get to see my son that was born alive nor the one that was stillborn. I was alone and the back up that I was sure was ultimate fix, fixed nothing. It began me on a new path. One of the things on that path is what I now trust and what I know is fallible.

When it came time and I was pregnant again I embarked on a new journey and decided to have my baby, my way, with my husband and I.  As I trusted Life and I was led  to a midwife.
I had four births at home. All were wonderful. I did things the way I wanted. I took baths when I wanted. I ate when I wanted. I took my time. I made bread. I gave birth.

Every woman should have the chance to do what she was made to do. When we do what we are made to do we know deep inside that the other things that we were made to do can happen too. I healed through giving birth. My sons,though I lost them, brought me to understand where to put my faith. They forced me to seek for answers. They made me strong. Every birth and every child has a purpose.

I am now seeing and being with my own daughters as they have their babies. I have often been quiet in groups of my peers about my births because I didn't want people to feel bad. No longer do I do this. I understand that I know something that isn't meant to be a secret and that like many of the amazing things that surround birth I can give it to others. So as I begin to roar and speak what I know I hope that many fears will be shattered and women will know who and what they are called to be. Awesome powerful birthers , mothers and amazing partners. Lovers of Life and Truth in every part of their beings.

I love being a midwife to give this message to women and to be with them when they need extra strength or a laugh or two.

Labor with my fourth baby. A baby girl who is now married!