I am privileged to have seen babies born into quiet safe places in their homes that are safe for both babies and their families. I have witnessed healing in moms, dads, and extended families.
At home people don't feel like they have to have permission to act. One mom was very sad that in her previous hospital birth her family had been on the other side of the room from her. She felt alone and didn't know how to reach out to them in her need. During her homebirth these same family members were right at her side getting her what she needed helping her to overcome a previous traumatic experience as she birthed her baby.
One young lady didn't know how interested her father was in birth and her baby until when the baby was born, in the home with him there, he was the first to hold his grandbaby and to sit with his daughter. She had a special moment alone with her dad in the space he felt safe in and she was amazed.
Another waited for 14 hours until her mother who she had a troubled relationship with until her mom made the long drive to arrive at birth. The mother of the woman's idea of birth was completely changed by the experience and new respect grew.
I have read that mother's are "selfish" because they want a "good experience" . There is more to women that is understood by many. Moms are the barometer of the home. When they are saying that birth needs be gentler and things need to be safe and at home they are saying much more than just that they want to be comfortable. They are saying that they want their husbands to feel safe to be who they are with them. They are saying that they want their extended families to feel safe to be themselves and be able do what they need to. When these things happen everyone is affected. Relationships are reordered. Ones that have not had trust may have an opening for trust to begin. With all that free-flowing oxytocin in the room people fall in love again. In-laws see value in each other.
Nothing is picture perfect in birth or in living life and there are no guarantees but time after time I have seen birth be one of those doors that opens in a person's life that allows changes to happen. These doors are not open all that often and to not take the opportunity to let that change happen to moms , dads and the families that love them is sad.
Where is a woman and her family safest to be who they are and act the way they know they need to? This is question that affects the entire family long term. The healthy family grows healthy children.
A lovely post Tracy. Birth can be very healing as you say. As a pivotal and emotional human experience, birth has the potential to be anything. Creating the environment in which a woman can feel safe and in control, as you clearly support each woman to do, is the best for everyone.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! I am so glad I found your blog.
ReplyDeleteThe more I think about it, the more I want a homebirth if I get pregnant again. I wanted a natural hospital delivery with my first and ended up with a c-section- though under the circumstances I believe it was the only way to deliver my son. He was brow presentation and no one (the doctors or nurses) realized it and after 24 hours of labor and pushing for 2 hours the OB realized that something wasn't "right" and did a c-section. My son has since had 4 surgeries due to facial trauma and I am (1 year later) going to physical therapy for ruptured discs in my back. Not quiet the birth I had hoped for.
Live and learn, unfortunately my son has to pay for it though.