A year early I had a hospital experience where my twin sons were born too early and died at 28 weeks. I had not been listened to when I called the doctor and told him I thought something was wrong. I was 8 cm when I arrived at the hospital, they drugged me, gave me a huge gash and left me with nothing. I didn't get to see my son that was born alive nor the one that was stillborn. I was alone and the back up that I was sure was ultimate fix, fixed nothing. It began me on a new path. One of the things on that path is what I now trust and what I know is fallible.
When it came time and I was pregnant again I embarked on a new journey and decided to have my baby, my way, with my husband and I. As I trusted Life and I was led to a midwife.
I had four births at home. All were wonderful. I did things the way I wanted. I took baths when I wanted. I ate when I wanted. I took my time. I made bread. I gave birth.
Every woman should have the chance to do what she was made to do. When we do what we are made to do we know deep inside that the other things that we were made to do can happen too. I healed through giving birth. My sons,though I lost them, brought me to understand where to put my faith. They forced me to seek for answers. They made me strong. Every birth and every child has a purpose.
I am now seeing and being with my own daughters as they have their babies. I have often been quiet in groups of my peers about my births because I didn't want people to feel bad. No longer do I do this. I understand that I know something that isn't meant to be a secret and that like many of the amazing things that surround birth I can give it to others. So as I begin to roar and speak what I know I hope that many fears will be shattered and women will know who and what they are called to be. Awesome powerful birthers , mothers and amazing partners. Lovers of Life and Truth in every part of their beings.
I love being a midwife to give this message to women and to be with them when they need extra strength or a laugh or two.
Wow, so nice to get to know you more deeply, Tracey. I'm so sorry that your little sons died.
ReplyDeleteJust before reading this, I was chatting with a woman in her 60s who had premature (32 w.g.a) twins 38 years ago. Although they were born vaginally, she was not listened to at all during the birth and was discouraged from breast feeding. Her two births after that were completely natural and she came into her power as a mother.
I agree that we need to speak up and tell our stories. I'm glad you shared yours. Gloria Lemay
ps. Was it "Birth Without Violence" by Dr. Leboyer that was your book with many pictures?
I love that you wrote "Every birth and every child has a purpose" It brought tears to my eyes.
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